I have a lot of experience working as a freelance virtual professional, but I need a couple new clients to earn a bit more money to make ends meet, and to help my youngest son, who is having a real hard time with life lately.  He needs to get a regular job – easier said than done these days, even for people who have a lot of work experience, and education.  My son has just enough knowledge to get into trouble.  He catches on quick, but he is not a perfectionist at his job. If you want to keep your job, it is very important to show how much you appreciate your job by doing a good job.  You may get a raise, or move up the chain of command.  Rule #2: Do not quit your job unless you have a new job to start the very next day.

My life is becoming extremely out of control. There is only one of me, and currently there are way too many other things that I have become responsible for without any prior knowledge or discussion.  The tasks include difficult life decisions that affect my father and me.  There are many time I do not feel like dealing with all the details.  Then who will do it?  Who will do this for me, when can I start living my own life.  I rather take my father places that he would enjoy, instead we are going to specialists located hours from home, or 12 week courses that will, hopefully, teach my father some tips on how to be more independent.  I feel the need to go so I can take notes and make sure he is not confused while we should be learning – things like that.  My endurance is not what is used to be.

For all of you who deal with what I am talking about in this blob, may I send you baskets of hope, strength, endurance, and love, along with a really great website that offers an abundance of information regarding taking care of the elderly.  The name of website is Eldercare ABC News & Views – http://eldercareabcblog.com/

Until we blog again….  ~~Think Clear~~

I am thinking about what our country has been through over the years, and all the progress we’ve made in such a short time. Some of the progress is turning out to be a bad idea while other progress ideas are turning out even better than originally projected.

I spend the evening of the fourth of July, at home with my dogs and cats.  Even though we only hear guns out where I live, oh and a few M200′s.  Which immobilize my dogs.  They hate the sound of the guns and the large, illegal fireworks.  They look to me for comfort and answers.  The answer is that people don’t know when to stop being a pain in the A**, especially if they are having a good time, and alcohol is involved.

To me, I find it senseless.  It you have animals, then it is your responsibility to take good care of them during all phases of a celebration or holiday.  Especially, if the animal is young.  If family members are not willing to share in the responsibility, then it’s for a family meeting to make some difficult decisions about keeping the animal(s) or not.

Wishing you and yours a Happy 4th of July 2010  ~~Think Clear~~

I am a big talker when it comes to talking about what I want to do with my life.  It can only happen when the time is right.  For now it is important to take tiny steps toward my goals.  I rather not head out on my retirement adventure alone but it’s something I need to do.  Until the final day arrives, I will have to wait to find out if I have company or not.  It will be time to press forward toward a new living location.

Thanks to our country’s independence, I can decide where and how I want to live my life.  Ain’t life grand?  Okay, for some, I may be taking this a bit too far, but my plans final living locations are beyond serious.

The excitement of celebrating the Fourth of July is in the air.  I can hear shot guns off in the distance.  No fireworks allowed where I live.  It’s fun shoot off a few rounds now and then – lol.  You can smell BBQ cooking in the air.  The celebration has already started where I live.  How about you?

God Bless America  ~~ Think Clear ~~

Sometimes all  you have to do is write how your little heart feels, and that will help you figure out many answers in seconds.  Unfortunately what I figured out does not make me happy, and neither does any part of this blog this evening.

I feel strange vibes when you’re around sometimes.  You don’t care that you totally interfere with my stress level and my feelings.  You don’t share what you have planned, or what is on your mind, or if I should plan a surprise or anything.

Based on that, I am going to change my perspective in hopes of gaining control, but it’s not quite working yet.  If we both changed our perspectives then the odds change even more in our favor.

Remember it is about perspective.  ~ Think Clear ~

Today I almost feel asleep when I was sitting at my father’s kitchen table.  I have sleep apnea so I never get a full nights sleep, and drag through the day.  Today we have many errands to do together.  I took Dad to buy some new tennis shoes because he cannot do it by himself.

He talks about when the shoe salesperson would measure your foot, and brings you boxes of  shoes you showed interest in so you can try them all on.  Then you pick out the most comfortable pair of shoes, and off you go to the register to pay for them.

My dad was thrilled to have new tennis shoes.  I found my dad a great pair tennis shoes that are light weight, air in the heels, and he says they fit perfect.  Plus, they were on sale.  I was so happy for my dad, but now my back, neck and shoulders are on fire.  That is why I need help.  I am physically unable to take care of my father all by myself.  This is upsetting to me. We need to find a back up just in case I cannot make it over to my dad’s house.

We are working with fence contractors, 3 different organizations who want me to send back their links and my decision, in an email, by tomorrow morning. Plus about 2 other people need the same type of answer.  I am with my father during the day, so no laptop.  At night I have house and country chores, family, animal and watering responsibilities along much m….  So the million dollar question; how do I decide what to do first?

Getting closer everyday to promote my blog……  Night Night ~ Think Clear ~

Do you ever feel like you are NOT being heard?  I am not the type of person who finds it necessary to yell and shout to let a person (or people) know I am getting angry, or perhaps they have crossed the line with me.  Don’t let me get to that point. I do not like going there.  My mother told me that, “the only thing you have control over, in your life,  is how you respond to life.”  That is the absolute truth.  Also, much easier said than done, on some days.

Learning how and continuing to maintain balance, while you somehow must deal with  excruciating pain on a daily basis.  This alone is daily hell. Plus a bunch of other stuff. For example, I’ve never dealt with the death of my mother. We were best friends. We talked on the phone daily when I was between contracts. She died a little over 3 years ago now.  I helped take care of her.  She had breast cancer that metastasized holes in all her bones ankles, legs and the rest of her body, which made her bed bound the last 6 or more months, at the end.

When Mom got into her wheelchair I would zip her through certain areas of the house and she would yell in glee.  That was fun. I did not have time to mourn my mother because I had to take over the responsibility of care giving for my father which I am still doing. This makes finding balance harder for me.

On stronger days; when I feel I can do this, I can see how blessed I truly am in my life. God is good to me. Stay on track with my father and work on that.  It will all turn out fine. Work on websites and write articles.  This makes me happy.

Remember the happy parts of your day so they will help the rest of your week be happy.

One of the things I always told my children was, “always be true to yourself.”  They are young adults and I have been reminded of my words frequently.  Okay that’s it for today.  God Bless.  ~ Think Clear ~

I care give for my father by doing all his book-keeping, shopping, grocery shopping and cleaning for starters.  Today we had to take my huge dog and dad’s little dog to the Vet for shots.  It was so difficult to balance all the dogs and my father too.  He loves getting out and I don’t blame him one little bit.  For me, this is not an idea of an outing.  I’d rather get the errands over with and go home to work on my PC and where I am comfortable, earning a little extra money.

Several of my web and writing projects are at critical stages and I must stick with it and get them done.  By now, I would be finished with all my projects and starting my marketing.  Not this round, no matter how important this round is, I must wait.

In addition to the realization that I have no control over how things turn out with my web and writing business and current clients, I have no control when my father gets in rare form and does everything should not do, or he does not do most of what he should do like use his cane and walker.  It is so dangerous when shuffles around without the assistance of  his walker.  We are trying exercises.  He needs to do to get stronger.  I got Lifeline for my father and he does not want to wear the functional device that makes the unit work.  Do you see what I mean?  After dealing with this behavior for 6 hours in a row, I was beyond ready to return home for the night and pretend none of the bad part of the day ever happened.

I must be sinking to an all time low with all the responsibilities making is hard to find the good in each day.  It is so easy to help others and so hard to follow your own advice.

Signed net to ~ Think Clear ~

This scenario gets me, and it has happened numerous times to me.  When it comes to one of the fun things listed on my calendar, I end up too sick to go, or I overworked myself to the point that I cannot consider attending, instead I require sleep and rest. So while I am trying to catch up with myself, while all my friends are gathered in one spot enjoying each others company. I am truly happy for them, but it would be so awesome to be sharing the experience with them.

A few times that I was too sick to attend, it was one of my favorite car shows of the season.  Now what?  How do you get that back?  Some of my friends come from other states to attend these car shows.  I don’t like having or buying “things”, instead I enjoy doing “things, traveling, visiting with friends, and seeing the world.” Meaning I am not a materialistic by nature.  There is a big difference.

I want to slow down my pace of life, so I have time to make appointments, enjoy my family and friends.  I am not able to schedule time for fun, at this point in my life. Stop and spend some time staring at the moon.  Go to the ocean for the day (is it still free to enter the State Parks?).  When my children were small, I took them to the ocean frequently.  We all enjoyed ourselves, playing in the tide pools. We always flew kites at the beach.  Now that sounds like fun to me.

Until I am able to enjoy my version of life, I will continue to search for peace, inner happiness and strength. It is not going to be an easy thing to change my mind-set but it is necessary for my sanity and the sanity of people around me (lol).

Dig deep for your inner strength ~ Think Clear ~

The weather has been perfect all weekend which is a huge perk in itself. The last 3 weekends it has rained.  I am not complaining because we need the rain.  The hillsides are still green.  The spring flowers do not require the sprinklers yet, but soon they will. Every little extra drop of rain is a plus for the environment.

Last weekend, a friend and I took all my recycle to the recycle business.  I recycle everything I can and I make compost with as much as I can with the rest.  Making your own compost (mulch) increases the quality and you save money while saving the environment at the same time.

Okay, well then, we have established a few things that I like.  I like 3 day weekends, I like to recycle, I like to make compost, and I like saving the environment.

I am going to make this blog short too.  I have so many projects I am working on this weekend – lol.

Happy Memorial Day!  ~ Think Clear ~

Both mother and baby are doing great. Dad was a huge support during delivery and after.  After working the next day, Dad picks up our first grandson who is 14 months and takes wonderful care of  him until work the next day.

Our little family is growing. It is so exciting! I love holding my grandchildren and they make me feel so proud. The love I have in my heart for them is like none other.

Happy Birthday Fallon!  ~ Think Clear ~